Archive for the ‘Foundation on marriage’ Category

When God said in Genesis 2:24, “A man will leave his father and mother, and be united to His wife”, (A man and woman will leave their father and mother and be united to each others), God spoke out in His wisdom, and there are countless of reasons living as a joint family can be bad for people, as well as many benefits of living as Genesis 2:24 said.

Usually in many Asian cultures we live together as a join family in one house, there might be some benefits, but the word of God and revelations are more plumbline even for a family. However, there can be many case people live together in one home even though it may not be the original blueprint God intended.

Benefits for women:

It is beneficial for women because they can express themselves, many women will be freed from mistreatments, many may feel oppressed or insecure living as a joint family, many women cannot make the type of meal they want to have, for countless and countless of families relationship problems often happen because of living as a joint families, which are very bad for their emotional health and bad for relationship with relatives.

Because it was not the way God intended to build families, it bring chaos. As one writer in social media wrote something like, “No two women can stay together in one kitchen”.

Benefits for children:

Freedom Genesis 2:24 is also beneficial for children, children need room to play, they need to have fun, they make home messy, dirty, they run around, they climb on the couch, they turn the televisions to cartoons or other kids channel, they want to play games in the computer, they spread their toys all around, they drop their milk, they spread their children books all around when they play, they spread their color pencil all around, and all those things are needed for children in the home, the home cannot always be neat and tidy if there are children. And for sure the Granny, uncle, aunty, or someone’s not gonna like the messy and dirt children make in the home.

Even for fathers and mothers many times it will need patience, one spilled milk, another pass urine in his pants and on the floor, and another make the home messy with his toys, that’s what children are, and they need to do that. Children need to play, need to have fun, they need to do all kinds of different things in different ages, and they will make the home dirty, messy, and make many mistakes, because they are children.

kids

All of these things which we think are small little things are the things that can bring arguments, gossips and fights in joint families. So, therefore it is also beneficial for children even after having children what the word of God said, “A man and woman will leave their families and unite to each others”.

– David Chawngthu

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It was Dec 2013, my wife and I got separated, not only separated but got divorced, we were separated and divorced for over a year. It was somehow the darkest moment of our marriage life, we were already working in Ministries full time for 8 to 9 years at that moment, and it was because of our lack of knowledge that separations happen. I was faithful to her, she was faithful to me, we both were faithful to each others, but were just in a lack of knowledge about family and marriage life.

Hosea 4:6 said, “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge”.
Proverbs 29:18 said, “Where there is no vision/ revelation, the people perish”.

But it was amazing and God was good to us, in spite of all our marriage situations at that moment, God gave me so much revelations about marriages and family, where it makes us want to be back together few months later, but it took us over a year to be actually be back together. And because of the revelations, the living word of God dwells inside our heart, gives us knowledge, bind us together with the word of truths dwelling in our hearts, it greatly builds our marriage life by those revelations from God. Not only that, even though it was our darkest moment of marriage life, God gave us revelations about marriages and families, and meant it to be a blessings to all marriages, families, and those who are in need.

THE THIEF (SATAN) COMES ONLY TO STEAL, KILL, AND DESTROY:

Separations and divorces are not of God, they are from the dark world, of the Devil, it’s one of the tool the Devil meant to destroy God’s beloved people, God never separate and divorce marriages, God never give us sicknesses, God never do harm to us, but the Devil does, because Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, I come that they may have life, abundant life”.

Romans 8:28 said, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.

It’s never God who separate and divorce marriages, it’s never God who let them happen, that’s the Devil’s work, but what the Devil meant for evil to harm us, hurt us, and to destroy us, God can twist them and turn them out into something good because He loves us so much.

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The Devil work to destroy us, but in turn God can do all things, even those revelations were not just for us, but God gave us to be a blessing for every marriages and all people who are in need of those revelations, God can twist them around and use them for the extension of His Kingdom.

You can check out our blog about “FOUNDATION ON MARRIAGE” @ https://representers.wordpress.com/category/family-kids-and-environments/foundation-on-marriage/

Some of the topic includes –

Being committed and loving one another – marriage..
FOUNDATION ON MARRIAGE: Part 1 (Couple’s Priorities)
FOUNDATION ON MARRIAGE: Part 2 (Divorce, Separation)
FOUNDATION ON MARRIAGE: Part 3 (Clinging close than anyone/anything, No separation)
Spending times as a couple, and with kids –
FREEDOM Genesis 2:24:
Marriage destroyed for lack of knowledge

– David Chawngthu

“A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife”.

From the beginning of time when God created human beings, He made this law, when God said this in the beginning, Adam and Eve were the only human beings in the world.

Sometimes it could be a man physically leaving his father and mother and living in another home with his wife, other times it could mean husband and wife giving first priorities to each other.

Every family have different situation and different conditions, the whole point in this verse is to value marriage priorities. They are not to be controlled by their father and mother, they are to have freedom, and the freedom to have a beautiful marriage life.

Couples in a family:

It could be because of finances, home, or any other condition that people live together as a joint family in a home, they are supposed to have full freedom in the home.

They are to make their own choices as a couple, freedom to manage finances as a couple, freedom to make decisions as a couple, freedom to decide how and where to bring up their children, freedom to choose their own jobs and works, freedom to do whatever they want, freedom to live however they want as a couple.

Freedom to enjoy the home as a couple without being critique, without gossip, without control, without any kinds of harm, and without any kind of hurt, giving full freedom as adult couples.

They are not to be controlled, they are adult couples. They must have full freedom to enjoy life in the home, as well as freedom to enjoy their marriage life.

“A man will leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife” (Gen 2:24)

– David Chawngthu

Just because Divorce and separations are not a new thing around the world, it doesn’t mean they are acceptable before God, and doesn’t mean they are not sins before God.

Divorce is sin:

First of all, we need to know that Divorce is sin and it need genuine repentance by the one who divorced. We are to create a generation that looks like God’s Kingdom, a generation of God’s Kingdom on earth.

Genuine Repentance is that you change the way you think, from the wicked ways to Godly ways, according to God’s law.

Romans 12:12 – > DO NOT CONFORM to the pattern of this world, but BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND. So that you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.

3 cases in divorces –

1. In the case of Sexual Immorality. And still if you can forgive one another even in case of Sexual Immorality, then you do not need to get divorced.

Matthew 19:9 “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery”.

2. There’s another condition where a married couples has a condition to divorce, and that’s when the other person made a bad choice to divorce, then the only choice is to divorce, but it’s best not to make this bad choice.

There’s a quote that I really like –

“It doesn’t matter how big the challenges are in your marriage, there is hope and it can be worked out! The only necessity being two willing spouses!” – Josiah Ralte, Director at Family Ministries, University of the Nations, India, Bangalore.

3. In the case of a person leaving his/her mate, the one who is left is free from bondage:

To the married I give this command (NOT I, BUT THE LORD): a wife must not separate from her husband. (NIV)

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband: (KJB)

(1 Corinthians 7:10)

Running away, separations, depart, leaving each others away is sin before the Lord. Therefore, a woman or man must not leave their mate.

Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)

One of the revelation from the Lord was that, if it’s wrong for unbelievers to leave, split apart or separate, how much more is it wrong for believers to leave, split apart or bring separations. Whether the person who left is a believer or unbeliever, the person who is left by his/her mate is free from bondage and is free to have another husband or wife (1Cor 7:15).

“What God has joined together let no one split apart, let no one separate, let no one make them stay apart from each others”. Since a marriage life is to stick closer to one another than anyone else.

God also said to you, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deu 31:6

God has said,
“Never will I leave You,
Never will I forsake You”
Hebrews 13:5

Therefore, it is important that if a husband leave her wife, or a wife leave her husband, except for sexual immorality, the person who leave his/her mate must come back with genuine repentance and ask forgiveness to his/her mate for leaving his/her mate.

Running away/ separate/ depart/ leaving, – They all are the highway to “Divorce in Action”, so do not run away/ separate/ depart or leave each others. Separations, leaving apart, and split apart, they can be really damaging for the health of one’s souls. They are one of a big weapon of the Devil to steal, kill and destroy marriage life and family.

Paul said in 1 Cor 7:4 – The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

– By David Chawngthu (In association with his wife Jenny Ramzauvi)

SPENDING TIMES TOGETHER AS A COUPLE, AND WITH KIDS:

SPENDING MUCH TIMES TOGETHER AS A COUPLES, AND SPENDING MUCH TIMES TOGETHER WITH KIDS, THEY ARE MINISTRIES, AND THEY ARE INVESTMENTS.

In the order of Importance in the ministry of Pastoral, the most important part of the Pastoral Ministry will always be in marriages and kids, nothing will take that place, all the other parts are secondary in the ministry of pastoral.

Even though Marriages and kids are the most important part in order in the ministry of pastoral, Marriages/couples has another priorities.

Having a priorities in a marriage, spending times together, just together, having good communications, discussing, praying together, having fun together, marketing together, playing together, outing together, sharing feelings – the good and the bad, sharing together, they all are ministries in God’s Kingdom.

Spending times together as a family, spending times together with kids, going to the zoo, going to the park, having a picnic as a family, playing games with kids, having a walk with kids, having fun with kids, showing our love and affections to kids, outing together with kids and as a family, they all are ministries in God’s Kingdom.

THAT’S THE KINGDOM!!

– David Chawngthu

IN RELATION TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING, NEXT TO OUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD MUST ALWAYS BE OUR SPOUSES.

CLING CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER THAN ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE:

A husband and wife are to cling close to each others more than anyone else, close to each others more than any other family members, more than any of their relatives, more than their own father and mother, more than their brothers and sisters, more than their co workers in their works, and cling close to each others more than their own works.

That is why God said, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? Matt 19:5

And then we also find in 1 Cor 11:3, that “Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman”..

So, this shows that they are to establish new family, and couples clinging close to each others than anyone else.

So many marriage problems happen in every corner of the world, and divorces and separations happen in every corner of the world. This is not the way God wants, and this is not God’s intention for marriages and families.

Only God is allowed to be closer between the relationship of a husband and a wife.

ROMANCE:

So, as they became more close to each others than anything else, and cling close to each others than anyone else, they can have a better romantic life and a better marriage life. A husband and wives must be romantic in the kitchen, in the bed room, in living room, sitting room, tv room or whatever we may call them, they can have more freedom to be romantic, more time just being alone together, and build their love relationship deeper.

They can have more time for communicating to one another, playing, having fun just together, discussing things and important matters.

Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine. Song of songs 1:2

“Let his left hand be under my head And his right hand embrace me.” Song of songs 8:3

WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO ONE SEPARATE: Mark 10:9

There are many things that can spoil our romance in a marriage, sometimes they are small little things that spoils romantic marriage life, and romance is an important part of a marriage.

Some few main things that can spoil our romances, relationships, and even marriage life could be –

Sometimes, too much works and no personal time for communications, discussions, good quality times, showing less love and care to one another, and less spending time together. Those things can spoil romances, even marriage life and relationships.

– Showing Concern: Your husband or wife will get jealous of you if you show more concern on others, anyone else, or even in wealth or money than him/her, but show less concern to him/her. That’s the way God created human beings. Show your most concern to your mate. #ShowMostConcern

– Time Together: Your husband or wife will get jealous of you if you spend more time with others, materials, computer or even works, but spend less time with him/her. We are to spend more time together. #SpendingGoodTimesTogether

– Communication: Your husband or wife will get jealous of you if you communicate more with others, but don’t communicate well with him/her. #Communication

Romance is a good thing that binds husbands and wives together.

Some people might say these are extreme, but these are truths. So many countless of marriages got problems in this world, and countless and countless of divorces and separations happened in every corner of this world.

And usually something else got in between, other men and women, relatives, family members, wealth and money, materials, technology, computer, works and other things. So, non of these things must come between a marriage life, we always need to check our first priority, IN RELATION TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING, NEXT TO OUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD MUST ALWAYS BE OUR SPOUSES, so that our marriage life would be bind better and continually build up, rather than moving toward destructions.

IN RELATION TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING, NEXT TO OUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD MUST ALWAYS BE OUR SPOUSES.

Paul said in 1 Cor 7:4 – The wife does not have Authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have Authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

– David Chawngthu

Every where around the world, divorce is not a new thing, in a small village, town, cities and to the biggest cities around the world, they are filled with divorced people. It has become a common thing, orphans and widows every where. Therefore it is So much important to write these things.

WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO ONE SEPARATE: Mark 10:8-9 said –

Vs 8 – > The 2 will become 1 flesh.’ So they are no longer 2, but 1 flesh.

Vs 9 – > What God has joined together, let no one separate. (NIV)
LET NO ONE SPLIT APART what God has joined together.” (NLT)

No one has Authority between a marriage life without the Authority and permission of both the couples. And no one must come between a marriage life, not even their father and mother in laws, relatives and friends, not even church leaders, work leaders, pastors or anyone else without the permission of both the spouses. And non of them got the Authority to separate and split apart a married couples.

Since the Word of God said, “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”, NOT EVEN CULTURES, there are 1000’s and 1000’s of different cultures in this world, and different cultures must have different ways of getting divorced, they are un-Biblical and unGodly. NO CULTURES HAVE AUTHORITY OVER THE WORD OF GOD, and No Culture have Authority over the Lord Jesus Christ, and No Cultures have the Authority to divorce and separate a married couples.

No single person on earth got the Authority to separate and split apart a married couples.

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE:

Even between the couples themselves, they belong to one another, their body belongs to one another.

Paul said in 1 Cor 7:4 – The wife does not have authority over her own body but YIELDS IT TO HER HUSBAND. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but YIELDS IT TO HIS WIFE.

Husbands and wives are to love each others and submit to one another. A marriage life must be romantic, sweet, pleasing one another, sacrificing themselves to one another, with good communications and friendship, discussing things together, have concern for one another as their own self for they are one flesh.

And in decision making, husbands has the Authority to make the last decision. Wives must have their husbands as the head of their family, and husbands must have Christ as the head of their family.

1 Cor 11:3 says – “CHRIST IS THE HEAD of every man, and the man is the head of a woman”..

SUGGESTIONS AND INPUT FROM OTHERS TO A MARRIED COUPLES:

In several decision making, sometimes it might be good to take input and suggestions from others, leaders, other leaders, good friends, other Godly men and women, Pastors or others, especially from Good Spiritual Leaders, but the decisions still belongs to the couples.

If the couples says “YES”, it is “YES”, if the couples says “NO”, it is “NO”, it totally depends on the couples decisions.

And for friends, leaders, other leaders, good friends, relatives, Pastors, other family members, even Spiritual Leaders, they are to value a couple’s priorities.

– David Chawngthu